Priorities
by Anita Worthen
For those who have a loved one in the homosexual lifestyle we can sometimes find that their needs/problems can become too important to us, often crowding out other relationships and responsibilities. Everyone struggles with their priorities but for some of us with homosexual loved ones it is a life long battle! Knowing God-given priorities is the key, the place to start.
What are some of the signs that our priorities are out of order?
- We always feel guilty about what we haven’t done.
- Our ‘to do’ list never gets done but only grows longer.
- We often feel frantic and/or overwhelmed.
- It seems we’re not giving our best to anything we do.
When I see these things becoming increasingly true for me I sit down with God and re-evaluate my life. I make a list of the things that I feel He is calling me to do and put them in order of importance. These change now and then, especially if there is a crisis, but as soon as that crisis is over I take time to set my priorities straight.
Because priorities are such an individual thing I decided to use mine as an example for you:
Nurturing a Relationship with God: Daily time reading the Bible and praying. Personal worship and sitting quietly before the Lord.
Seeing to my personal needs: Making sure I rest, exercise and eat healthy. Making time each week for relationships that are vital to my emotional and mental health. Taking time each week for things that are enjoyable and relaxing to me.
Husband: Being available to him. Taking time daily to really listen to him. Being a safe place where he can be weak. Preparing meals and taking care of his laundry. Asking God early that day what supporting my husband look like for that day.
Home: Keeping our home a haven from the world, a place of peace where we can relax and feel safe. A place that is inviting to those who drop by.
New Hope/Exodus/Church Responsibilities: This is my calling and job. There is a whole other set of priorities that come within these weekly-designated hours. These have a given time commitment and other things have to fit around them.
Christian Family: These are people who love and serve God. People I love and feel safe with, even though many I don’t get to see as much as I’d like.
Tony: He is an adult with his own set of friends and his own beliefs. I enjoy time with him and am always tempted to give him a higher priority in my life.
Other Relationships: Some of these people are more ministry than friends and though I care for them I can’t put too much energy in maintaining them. There are many family members that I would put here; we love each other but have very little in common.
Exceptional Opportunities: These are big projects that take a lot of time and energy. Traveling to speak comes under this title. These opportunities are wonderful and exciting but I have to prayerfully consider each one with my husband because, not only do my other responsibilities suffer, but they are often abandoned for a time. These have to be an exception not a way of life for me, especially during this time of my life.
This list is not in order of the amount of time spent in each area; for example, time doing something fun for me usually happens on a weekly basis whereas taking care of my home and husband happens every day. There was a time in my life when I thought it was “Christian” to put everyone else’s needs before mine. This list has helped me understand that part of taking care of myself is learning when to say “no” and when I need to rest. Now I feel that I have some order in my life and with order comes peace.
Please realize that many things change your priorities, including your sex, age, marital status and whether you have dependant children. Thinking and praying about our priorities helps us see how we can best be used by God. Those of us that have no children at home can give more time to God, and Scripture tells us that the unmarried have more time for His work. Count it a blessing if you are able to give more at this time of your life. Taking time to go over your priorities with God helps you become aware of what really is important to you. You may not even realize the time you are giving to certain activities or people. Some people feel that they always are rushing from one thing to another with no time to decide what they will do; life just seems to happen to them. We will always have some crazy days like that but they should be the exception, not the norm!
It’s about having personal boundaries and living for God’s plan, not your own. Psalm 119 v. 44-45 says “Therefore I will keep on obeying you forever, free within the limits of your law”. Knowing the limits that God has set down for you will set you free, free from the guilt you feel when you do anything that calls you away from God’s plan…